When the Holidays Feel Complicated: Navigating with Intention
The holiday season is here; for many, this means returning to your hometown. Maybe you're feeling excited about this, or perhaps you're feeling some anticipatory nerves. You may be feeling a lot of different emotions all at once.
Common themes that arise during the holidays are feeling like you are falling into old patterns, managing family dynamics, or feeling a sense of disconnection. Here, we offer guidance on managing these situations in ways that encourage you to prioritize your mental health.
Holiday Regression: When Old Patterns Resurface
Do you ever feel like when you return to your hometown, you witness yourself slowly (or quickly) transforming back to your sixteen-year-old self? You may find yourself reacting in ways you have worked so hard to change. You may be crying more, getting frustrated easily, or struggling to manage responsibilities that you are usually on top of. If these patterns sound familiar, you are not alone. This experience is common and is known as 'holiday regression'.
Holiday regression refers to a psychological phenomenon in which familiar environments, like your childhood home, can trigger old behaviors and emotional responses. It can feel as though stepping back into that space activates older versions of yourself, even if it no longer aligns with who you are today.
To navigate this experience, it can be helpful to reflect on your values and intentions before your visit. Taking time to consider how you want to show up can help you stay grounded and intentional in the moment. Additionally, bringing elements of your daily routine—like journaling, morning walks, or meditating with you during your visit can provide consistency and serve as an anchor to your present self.
Managing Family Dynamics
Managing family dynamics can also be a challenging experience during the holidays. Living under the same roof again can bring up feelings of discomfort and can be an adjustment. To navigate this, make sure you have clear boundaries in place. Set boundaries on what conversations you are willing to have, how much family time feels manageable for you, and anything else you deem necessary to make your trip more pleasant. Having these boundaries in place is not selfish. It will allow you to stay present and protect your peace throughout the holidays.
To manage family dynamics, remind yourself of what's in your control and what's not. Despite your best attempts, you probably can't change your family members (nor is it your responsibility to do so). What you can control is the power you give to the situation, the ways you can show up for yourself, and what you choose to invest your energy into.
When 'Home' Feels Different
Where your family lives or where you grew up might not feel like "home" anymore, and that can be hard to digest. Returning to a place you no longer identify as home can create feelings of disconnection, sadness, or guilt.
It's important to acknowledge that home doesn't have to be where you grew up—it can be the space you've created for yourself now, with the community and life you've built for yourself. This shift isn't negative, it can be a testament to your growth. Take a moment to honor the effort and courage it took to build a life that reflects who you are now, even in the face of obstacles.
Moving Through the Season with Compassion
There are a lot of societal expectations for this time of the year to be 'perfect'. Let go of that pressure; perfection is not an attainable goal. Instead, focus on something more meaningful and realistic, like connection, rest, or even curiosity. Ask yourself: What is something you've been needing or wanting that you can create for yourself this season?
Most importantly, it's okay to prioritize yourself this holiday season. Practice self-compassion and give yourself the grace to experience all the emotions that come up. Whether you're revisiting your hometown, navigating family dynamics, or reflecting on how your sense of "home" has changed, remember to approach these moments with kindness and understanding towards yourself.
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