How to Support a Loved One Through Tough Times: A Guide to Helping Without Losing Yourself
Supporting a Loved One Through Difficult Times
When someone you love is going through a hard time, it can also stir up many emotions for you. You may be feeling sad, scared, or even hopeless. You may want to offer support but are unsure about the most meaningful ways to do so. Here are some ways you can support a loved one, while also looking after yourself.
Actively Listen to What They Are Saying
When we witness our loved ones struggling, it is human nature to want to step in and try and “fix” all their problems. You may find yourself quick to offer solutions or give advice on what they could do to instantly feel better. While this urge to reduce or remove obstacles often comes from a place of care, it can be harmful to your loved one and make them feel more alienated.
Instead of going straight into problem-solving mode, try and take the time to truly listen to what your loved one is feeling and saying. Validate their emotions and practice being non-judgmental. When your loved one is struggling, the best thing you can do is simply be there for them. Do not rush them on their journey to healing and instead focus on holding space for all their emotions.
Perform Acts of Service
When a friend, partner, or family member is feeling low, performing daily tasks may feel overwhelming for them. Offering acts of service can be a wonderful way to support a loved one. This can be as simple as running errands for them or trying to help with more chores around the house. By doing these things, you are reminding your person that they are not alone and that they are cared for.
Remember that everyone is different, and some people may value emotional support more than practical support. The best way to know what your loved one needs is to ask. A simple, “How can I support you right now?” can open the door and guide honest conversations in understanding what they specifically need without making assumptions.
Remind Them That Professional Support is Available
Encouraging a loved one to seek professional help can feel awkward. Likewise, it may not always be appropriate. But if you feel like their hesitation to go to therapy stems from negative thought patterns of what therapy represents, it may be helpful, if you are comfortable, to challenge this.
You can do this by being mindful of the language you use when discussing mental health treatment. Reassure them that seeking help is not a weakness or limitation and rather can be a source of empowerment. Helping your loved one navigate mental health resources, can also be beneficial, in reducing the stigma they may be experiencing.
Look After Yourself
Taking on the role of being a caretaker (whether this is formal or informal) can be draining. As you are supporting your loved one, make sure you are also creating the time to look after yourself. Doing this is so important in preventing burnout and compassion fatigue. Likewise, doing this is important, in making sure you don’t end up resenting your loved one.
Make sure you are prioritizing your needs, throughout the process. Set boundaries with what you are comfortable and capable of doing, for your loved one. Doing this is not selfish, and will allow you to be there for them in a more authentic manner.
As you are supporting your loved one, remind yourself that they are in the driver’s seat. Your loved one has autonomy, and it is not your responsibility to make decisions for them. Instead, focus on showing up for them, by actively listening, understanding what they need, and looking after yourself!
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