How to Heal Your Relationship with Your Body: A Guide to Self-Compassion
Around 90% of women in America have struggled with their body image - a statistic that speaks to how deeply rooted this issue is. Understanding why so many of us feel this way is the first step toward healing. Our relationship with ourselves is the only one guaranteed to last a lifetime, which is why it’s so important to treat ourselves with more self-compassion, care, and respect.
Why We Experience Difficulties with Our Body Image
Social Constructs
Women have been taught to measure their worth by their appearance. Social constructions (which are constantly changing) have created standards of beauty that we are supposed to use as our rule guide. But the truth is, our bodies are not and cannot be some sort of trend. Social constructions are made up and cannot be used to dictate how we feel in our bodies. To continue to allow social constructions to guide us is not realistic or attainable.
The Messages We Hear
Social constructs also shape the way our friends, families, and women in our lives talk about their bodies. That's why it can sometimes feel like our difficulties in accepting our bodies have been passed down to us, like an unwanted heirloom. The insecurities our loved ones share may cause us to worry, internalize, or develop new insecurities of our own. It's important to be mindful of these conversations. Give yourself grace, and look after yourself when you have been exposed to messages that do not serve your healing.
Diet Culture
We’re constantly being bombarded with new definitions of what “being healthy” entails. The information is constantly changing, and it can feel hard to keep up. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the random advice online, remember your autonomy. Notice what makes you feel good. Remember that you know yourself, and you know what you need more than the internet does.
Trauma
When we experience trauma, our relationship with our bodies can change. If you experienced something horrible that was out of your control, you may use your body as a way to regain control. Therapy can be a powerful tool in helping you unpack that trauma. It can help you reconnect with your body in gentler and safer ways.
Healing Your Relationship With Your Body
Reflect on your Current Relationship: Take some time to reflect on your relationship with your body. It could be helpful to journal. Reflect on how this relationship is serving you. Is it serving you? Take some time to understand if your self-perception is preventing you from experiencing life. Are there things you've forced yourself to miss out on because of your self-image? Take some time to also reflect on how you'd want your relationship with yourself and your body to change. Are there ways you can be kinder to yourself?
Connect with your Inner Child: No one was born with a dislike for themselves or their bodies. Unfortunately, this is a learned behavior. As kids, the sole purpose of our bodies was to allow us to experience life. Our bodies let us play, explore, and connect. Somewhere along the line, you were taught that your body and appearance were a marker of your value. When you begin your healing journey, consider your younger self. What would they make of how you’re treating yourself? What would it look like to honor the version of you whose self-image was built on joy, curiosity, and connection, not comparison or shame?
Practice Body Neutrality: The Body Positivity movement has promoted the celebration of all bodies, shapes, and sizes. But for some, practicing Body Positivity may feel too hard. If you've spent years hating your body, the idea of embracing yourself may feel close to impossible. So, practice body neutrality. Body neutrality refers to the practice of accepting your body. It's letting go of the judgment you have. Body neutrality is shifting the focus from what your body looks like to what your body allows you to do.
Challenge the Conditions You’ve Created for Yourself: One of the most damaging things we do is create conditions for our living. For example, we may say something like, “I’ll go on a date when I lose weight,” or “I’ll only go shopping when I’m this size.” You may feel like having this mentality motivates you and that you’ll thank yourself in the future. But you're stopping yourself from embracing the present. By putting these conditions on your worth, you're creating a narrative that the current version of you is somehow less deserving. And the thing is, once you start placing conditions on your existence, there will never be a point where you feel content. You won't suddenly reach a specific “size” and think, okay, I love myself now. Let go of the conditions. Let yourself be here. Allow yourself the gift of being happy in the moment because this version of you is already enough.
Social Media Cleanse: This may seem like the most basic advice, but it truly is so important. If your social media feed is full of ways to change your appearance, learning to accept your body won’t be possible. Notice what comes up on your social media and how it sits with you. If there's content that makes you feel uneasy, unfollow the account. Change your relationship with social media; allow it to be a protective factor instead of causing more harm.
Apologize to Yourself and Practice Gratitude: To truly change your relationship with your body, apologize to yourself for the years of criticism and disconnection. Apologizing may feel hard, and you may not believe it, but make it a practice. When your inner critic comes in with negative self-talk, take time to ground yourself and apologize for these thoughts and beliefs you’ve been conditioned to have. As well as apologizing, practice gratitude. When you find yourself being hard on yourself, remember to give thanks to your body for what it can do. You can thank your lungs for allowing you to breathe or your heart for allowing you to feel. Create your own personal affirmations for gratitude that feel relevant and true to you.
Focus on How You Feel Instead of How You Look: What makes you feel strong? What makes you feel the most alive? Notice the movements you do that make you feel better. Notice what different meals do for you. By shifting the focus to how you feel, you can continue to navigate your relationship with your body in a gentler, more compassionate way.
Healing our relationship with our bodies can take time. But creating space to do so is important. Learning to feel comfortable in your skin starts with acceptance and a sense of curiosity about who you are. It's about recognizing that your value as a human is rooted in so much more than just what you look like.
Ready to prioritize your mental health and well-being? MSC Therapy offers specialized psychotherapy services for young adult women in New York and Florida. Mollie provides compassionate, client-centered, and supportive therapy to help clients navigate anxiety, low self-esteem, disordered eating, body image concerns, OCD, relationship issues, dating, school or career stress, perfectionism, and life transitions. Services are available virtually, allowing for convenient and accessible support. Reach out now to take the first steps toward a more balanced life.