Your Ex Moved On—What Does That Mean for You? A Guide to Healing & Growth
Finding out that your ex is seeing someone else can stir up a lot of emotions. It’s so important to process these emotions with self-compassion! Here are some ways to focus on your healing, reframe your thoughts, and prioritize yourself during this transition.
Understand Your Feelings
Your emotions may seem surprising. Take time to sit with your feelings and understand what you are truly feeling. Are you feeling angry, sad, jealous, confused, or maybe something completely different? Sometimes emotions can be layered—what manifests as anger may actually be hurt, and what feels like jealousy might really be rooted in self-doubt.
Once you have identified what you are feeling, be curious about why you are feeling this way. Is the sadness because you miss them or because it finalizes the breakup for you? Are you feeling jealous because you want them back or because you hoped you'd be the one in a relationship first? By unpacking your emotions, you can heighten your self-awareness and gain clarity on how you choose to move forward.
Decide How Much Space this Deserves
After understanding your emotions, decide what you want to do next. Are holding onto these feelings serving you or keeping you stuck? You might feel like you don't have control over how you feel, but you do. While you can't always prevent thoughts from coming up, you can choose how much space you allow them to take.
For example, if you find yourself constantly thinking about the situation, set boundaries for yourself. Allocate time in your day to journal and process your feelings. That way, when you find yourself dwelling on the situation, you can remind yourself I have already set aside time to work through this—I don’t need to dwell on it right now. Instead, you can redirect your focus to something else, knowing you’ll have a space to process later.
Likewise, if your sadness is preventing you from doing things you enjoy, push yourself to take small steps forward. Even if you don't feel like going out, make plans with friends, step outside, or engage in activities that you know bring you joy. Sometimes, action comes before motivation. The more you show up for yourself, the lighter this will start to feel.
Challenge The Story You Are Telling Yourself
If you're feeling low due to negative self-talk, reframe the story you are telling yourself. Remind yourself that your ex-partner's moving on is not a reflection of who you are or what you're worth.
People move on at different paces for reasons that often have nothing to do with the past relationship. Some jump into something new to fill a void, while others are genuinely ready to start fresh. Either way, their choices don't define you.
When you find out they're in a new relationship, you may start romanticizing the past, focusing only on the good moments and forgetting why the relationship didn't work. But remind yourself—there were genuine reasons for the breakup. If they had been the right person for you, you would still be together. Instead of seeing this as a loss, try to view it more neutrally: they are in a relationship, and you will also find someone suitable for you (if that's what you want!). Remind yourself it's not a race; no one gets a prize for entering a new relationship first. Focus on your journey!
Practice Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance is the act of learning to be okay with things you can't control. This practice can be beneficial in reducing anxiety that stems from external circumstances. Your ex is in a new relationship. You don't have to be happy about it, but acknowledging and accepting this reality can help you focus on things that are in your control.
You're in control of the choices you make and the ways in which you want to show up for yourself. By actively choosing to prioritize yourself and your needs, you can start to heal and move forward.
Watching your ex enter a new relationship can feel hard. But by understanding your emotions, challenging negative self-talk, and focusing on what’s within your control, you can move forward with clarity and confidence!
Ready to prioritize your mental health and well-being? MSC Therapy offers specialized psychotherapy services for young adult women in New York and Florida. Mollie provides compassionate, client-centered, and supportive therapy to help clients navigate anxiety, low self-esteem, disordered eating, body image concerns, OCD, relationship issues, dating, school or career stress, perfectionism, and life transitions. Services are available virtually, allowing for convenient and accessible support. Reach out now to take the first steps toward a more balanced life.